Tattoo, anyone?

October 2009:
Freaks, geeks, and rockabilly kids all joining as one to help make the world a better place...

Yeah, right!  This last weekend I had the pleasure of attending Las Vegas' first ever Biggest Tattoo Expo on Earth and dudes, it was pretty big and it was entertaining to watch so many people pay to be in pain.  The tattoo expo featured many tattoo artists and piercers from around the United States as well as ink companies, piercing products, and clothing inspired by tattoos.  Not a single tattoo artist's design book left me second guessing on getting a tattoo of my own.  They were all very talented, very cool, and very professional looking.  Too bad I didn't have the cash in my back pocket.  It would have been four shots of vodka and "Bob" on my ass!  That would have been a cool move.  Except for the fact my man's name is Curtis.  Whoops.  Just kidding.  Many other people were showcasing their talent on live models walking around half clad in string.  One girl was getting a peacock with a long, flowing tail across her side, right there, for everyone's viewing delight.

Let's start from the entrance, shall we?
The line set up for the tickets was...well, planned out pretty well, actually.  For once!  They had a separate line for pre-ordered tickets and a line for purchasing.  So, I was amused to not have to sit there and wait while some idiot in front of me tried to figure out if he wanted two tickets or three, while trying to get ahold of his friend Bob.  So, we got in line and BAM two seconds later we were out of it with tickets in hand and on our way to get a hand stamp.  Legal, bitches!  Give me all the boozes you can!  Oh wait, this line for showing licenses is just to make sure you're over the age of 17?  Shucks, I thought it was the 21+ club. Then again, I don't have any tattoos. Virgin skin!

We are immediately greeted by a sexy punk princess with a shitload of necklaces on her arm.  She notices us noticing her and bounds over.  We receive probably the closet free thing from this whole show; a necklace with a plasticy dog tag Ed Hardy-LIKE design pocket necklace.  And you know what was in this pocket tag?  A freaking blue condom.  "Save sex, kids!"  This just tickled our funny bone to no end.  So, with our hearts merry and our minds and eyes ready to be raped, the three of us set off to wander around the booths.

Booths; Just...Awful.  I've been to a craft better set up than this, and you know how those are.  The show was in one of the convention centers at the Mandalay Bay, so it was a huge space.  I guess they wanted to make it seem full?  They had a weird lounging area with walls of flash print tattoos (yuck!) in the center, along with some weird tall tables to...uh...lean against?  Who knows.  They also had a red brick print back drop for you take a photo in front of.  Interesting.  Moving along!  A lot of the booths were...well, left empty, unoccupied, DESERTED!  But I digress.  Even I know you can't count on everyone to show up and fill a spot.  So, we wander around, looking at several boring stands of just guys sitting around with a table and book in front of them.  Why on earth wouldn't you decorate to some degree?  Advertise, advertise, marketing!  Then we get to this laaarge sectioned off part, some sort of tattoo modeling contest.  There's some fancy couches, rugs, a half studio set up for pictures.  It actually looked like someone had taken a modeling agency and plopped it right in the middle of the floor.  It was appealing.

The booths were sort of set up in long rows, but with the modeling thing in the center in the front, the lounging area in the middle of the left side, and an 'old school' tattooing stand in SMACK DARN MIDDLE, it got a little maze like.  This was interesting. Though, it sucked for those very in the corner, out of the way people.  We only ventured down there so I could get a full view of the whole event!

Entertainment; So, the grand opening of the show (which I SADLY did not get to attend) had Escape The Fate play, along with some other dude I never heard of, and I think Mix Master Mike of the Beastie Boys. (I only say I think because it was unsure if he was just there for the after party, or if he played at the convention as well, who knows? hit me up.)  That was about it, for me anyways.  They had that model search going on, but that was boresville.  Then they had tattoo judging for everyone to watch, but it took so long for them to even locate the judges, my friends and I grew bored and ended up just wandering the booths yet again.  They had some background music, but it could only be heard from the last two rows of booth and judging area.  Of course, a lot of the booths did have live tattooing for our viewing pleasure.  That was fun.  And we did enjoy the ancient style of tattoo presentation they had.  I've never seen anyone hit the needle in with bamboo like that!  So old school cool.

They also had something I have just been shown, scalpel tattooing.  It is the art of permanently scarring yourself, but in designs like tattoos.  Letting someone cut designs into me?  Yeah, I get the heebie geebies just thinking about it!  But of course, they had people doing this up on a platform, showing it off.  It takes a body of steel to endure this, and the gut of a safe to be the person wielding the weapon of choice.  Rock on you freaks, rock on.  I could never do it.

Oh sigh.  The main reason I had been so excited, so thrilled to attend this tattoo expo was the Tattoo History museum they were going to display.  And I stepped in...stood there for two minutes... and stepped back out.  Thoroughly disappointed and no further knowledge in the history of tattooing.  This so called 'museum' was just a case here and there with old 'tattooing machines', a case with some black and white photos of people with tattoos, and some not-so-old looking pictures of tattoo designs.  Really, where was the history of this?  I felt like I was just at my granny's looking through the photo album or something.  Where was my granny to tell the story behind it?  Same thing, where was the little plaque to give me information?  It was like walking through a mall gallery.  It could have been better.

All in all, this tattoo expo was very... Well, you could tell it was it's first year running.  They had some very excellent booths such as h2Ocean, some rock-a-billy wear, and Akumu Ink.  Absolutely loved all of the clothing and retail booths.  There's just something so appealing about clothing inspired by tattoos.  Not to mention, those retailers sure do know how to make their booth look exciting and full!

Back to my all in all moment, I was very glad that my tickets were free.  Forty or something dollars for that expo would have felt like a huge waste.  However, it was nice to get into the club Rok in New York New York and listen to Mix Master Mike afterwords, thanks to the little stamp on our wrist.

My final word; Next year could be better if they can plan entertainment and events a little better, have the music for the WHOLE convention center, and try to leave out the empty booths.  If you are planning on having a booth there next time, please for the love God, make your booth appealing! Exciting!  Remind us why YOUR the one we want our tattoos or piercings from.  If you going to attend just to check it out, I hope the economy is in better repair for your sake, or hopefully they will keep offering a limited time free set of tickets, because forty dollars is definitely not worth it for just 'browsing' around.

Biggest Tattoo Show on Earth = 3 out of 10 star power