Ninja Assassin... IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER.
Okay, okay. Maybe it isn't the best movie ever, but I throughly enjoyed it and would be willing to see it in theater again. That RARELY ever happens with me. In fact, a lot of the time I am disappointed I couldn't have just waited for it come out on Netflix or television. I liked this movie that much however. Even despite my squirmish towards battle scenes and blood. And the best part is, they didn't waste all the good scenes on the trailer like they usually do lately! So, it will pleasantly entertain you. Or at least be worth however much your theater charges. Let me just give you some insight...
So, the storyline;
It's a small storyline, to be honest. Two stories, one of a boy growing up and training in a sort of ninja 'academy'. And the other about an agent investigating paid assasinations (also known as "sticking her nose where it doesn't belong"). They cross over when miss Mika-the-overachiever-agent (Naomie Harris) finds out the connection between secret ninjas and a mysterious bank account. You start out thinking that the main character, Raizo the ninja (Rain ((yes, that's his full name. Just Rain.))), is going after her in order to silence her once and for all. But in reality, he's just one cool, sexy, sweaty guy who wishes to protect people from the ninja clan he abandoned. Oh yes, there are some marvalous scenes of our ninja stretching, practicing his kung fu. Perfectly toned body...smoldering hot...with some very oily looking sweat. Oh yeah... Okay, anyways. So some tricks are played, some people are murdered. Well, actually, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MURDERED. It's ridiculous how many ninjas were killed. At some point, I remember thinking, "They weren't training THAT many ninjas! Holy shit!" But then they explained that they have ninja clans everywhere! Oh, thank you for clearing that up. Now I can sleep at night knowing that somewhere, near by, there is a ninja clan stealing children away to someday assassinate someone ridiculously important but I've never heard of. All for the nice price of 1,000 pounds! Order your ninja now!
Special a-kicks;
Let me say this. Kill Bill. Yes, the blood is very CGI'd and spurts out like it's high pressured. Hmmm, maybe that's what they mean when your blood pressure is high? Who knows. Either way, there was a lot of blood that looked paint. Especially in the laundromat scene. *shudder* All I can say there is... Don't trust the sweaty pretty girls, boys. The ninja stars flying around you at practically all times of the movie was sort of distracting, confusing. Never out of place however. There was only one scene, that maybe last five minutes, that had me in a whirl of confusion. The "we're on the street, in front of people and cars, but we're still gonna fight! Oh and run like crazies!" that shook the camera. I could not figure out who was getting the crap beat ouf of them, who was winning, who was getting smashed by cars, and what the heck was going on because the camera was shaking along with all of the action! WHY? I get motion sickness! This scene upset my tummy like mad crazy, dawgs!
Kung Fu-tastic;
As for the fight scenes, I could tell for one that the whole crew worked hard on making sure it was as real as possible. Every movement to me seemed natural... Well, as natural as kung fu can seem to a girl! I was impressed. And kung fu, jujitsu, ninja movies don't ever really impress me... more... Entertain me with how silly it looks when the guy moves before someone's foot hits their face. That never fails to crack a smile on my face. And then what? People think I'm a blood thirsty little girl! Sigh. Anyways. This movie was action packed with well thought out fight scenes, in my opinion anyways.
Acting...has no cool title;
....Could have been better. But hey, it was what it was. An action movie. Do you need good acting in an action movie? No. Unless you go in expecting something moving, endearing, a heart warmer. This movie is NOT that. Sure, it has a cute little love story on the side. And sometimes it even makes you appreciate living without ninjas hunting you down. But in all honesty, this movie was made for the blood and for the kicking ass scenes. It's not even a really intelligent movie. Naomie Harris did a pretty good job of being freaked the heck out about her life being on the line. And Rain...well.... he's just eye candy, what can I say? His sweaty body distracted me from his acting flaws. Then again, he did not have very many lines to work flaws with! So, it worked out all in all for me.
Hot body, bloody body, ninja body, win!
I'd go see Ninja Assassin if you have been craving a kung fu scene better than any Jackie Chan one (and hey, I love Jackie). It was so amazing to me, I made a dorky youtube skit about if I tried out to be a ninja! SEE? That's how awesome this movie is.
Ch-ch-check it out, kids! Let me know how you felt about all the bloodz and ninja starz!
7 out of 10 star power!
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